A Fabulous Mess

     As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been at Jack’s six nights in a row this week. I know, you’re screaming “ALCOHOLIC!!!” at me, but that’s not the case. Yes, I drank every night, but I only got drunk once. Ok, maybe twice. The other nights were spent sipping my Coors Lite slowly and turning down shots. Seriously.

     The thing that saved me (in my eyes) from looking like a Jack’s loser is every night I was there, I was with a different group of people. One day I was with my dad, one day with my bro, a day with Amy, a day with Sho Ho and Lib, a day with a random mix of school friends, bar buds, and Punkie.

     The night that stands out in my mind is Thursday, for several reasons. One, it was the first time I had hung out with Lib since Monday, and that’s odd so I missed her. Two, it was the last night that the new little obsession I have was there and a girl can only be invited to go back to someone’s house so many times before she has to say yes, even if he’s not relationship material. And three, I met Julie Gong.

     I was standing at the juke box in line, actually I believe getting my ass smacked by an employees leather gloves, when Julie approached me and just said ‘Hey’. It took me about a second to realize it was her, and I began my rambling. This was because (1) I was tipsy, (2) I had just gotten my ass smacked, and (3) what do you say to someone in person that you’re only acquaintances with on the internet? It is a weird, weird thing. I read her blog. I know things about her. I could ask, “So, are you excited about the JT concert?” or “Oh, I notice you have on one of your many jackets tonight”, but that seems retarded and creepy.

     I did the only thing I could thing to do and played SexyBack on the juke box. We ridiculed the guys standing next to us (Julie – we’re going to play all Garth Brooks songs? Classic.), then we returned to our respective places in the bar.

     I should give you a little background about me and SexyBack. I hated this song when I first heard it. It wasn’t even like music to me, it was like a robot farting. Then I listened to the words and realized it is one of the most sexual songs I’ve ever heard, and it’s fun, too. I dance in my bar stool every time it comes on, and it comes on a lot when I’m at that bar.

     In one of my many trips there this week, one of my more tipsy evenings, I was asked by the bar back why I play it so much, and I annouced “Because it makes me wanna bone”. Not exactly the best idea to say that to a man who openly admits to staring at my chest all the time, but whatever, I have my reasons and they are wrong, but that’s fine. There are many other songs that are equally as sexual - I always play ‘Justify my Love’ b Madonna and mostly every Maroon 5 song that hasn’t been on the radio is about sex in one way or another, but none are quite as fun as SexyBack, and not one of those other songs gets the drunken crowd shaking their asses like SexyBack. There is a sick pleasure I get from looking around at drunk people enjoying themselves to the musical selections that I played, and SexyBack is always a winner in my book.

     When I returned to my seat after meeting Julie by the juke box, the Ass Smacker was back at his post standing directly in front of me, and I annouced to Lib “You don’t even understand the crazy internet shit that is happening to me this week, I just met Julie Gong, and I don’t know if that means anything to you, but it’s more exciting to me than being a Missing Connection on Craig’s List.” Lib smiled and nodded and pretended to care, and I looked up and the Ass Smacker said “Oh my God, Jen, you are such a dork.”

     About ten minutes later, Julie came to say good-bye, and as she left, Lib said “Oh my God, she looks just like she does on the internet”. And she does. I thought she was taller for some reason (as I’m sure she thought I was a bit smaller than I actually am), but I knew it was her. Seconds after she walked out the door SexyBack came on. Again. Because I played it. Again.

     The crowd was pretty happy, but the Ass Smacker rolled his eyes and said, “Again? Really? Someone’s trying to get laid tonight” as most of the other employees groaned because SexyBack is nearing Sweet Caroline status and it’s making everyone want to throw up in their mouths a little when they hear it.

     But not me. And I’m pretty sure not Julie Gong.

     My internet life and my Jack’s life came face to face twice this week, and it’s equally as creepy as it is fascinating. But the more internet people I meet in real life, the less creepy it is.

     Perhaps this wasn’t as amusing to you as it was to me, but there’s not much else going on in my life right now. I could sit here and write about the really awesome orange I bought at Whole Foods today, but stories involving booze and the internet seem more interesting.

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