So what does ‘A Fabulous Mess’ mean? Well… I never seem to be able to take a direct route to anywhere. I never really felt like I knew where I was heading, and I never knew what I really wanted. Some would say that maybe I’ve made a mess of things because I am no where near where I thought I would be at this age and have never been able to make a decision. But, despite all the mistakes I know I have made, I also know that I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve learned so much about life and myself through everything I’ve done, and, though I may have made a mess, I know that everything will end up fabulous in the end.



To my roomie, with love

I’d be lying if I said that I remembered the first time I met Kat, but I know it was the first day of nursing school. I do, however, remember the first time I heard the word “Lawrenceville” come out of her mouth and had no idea where that even was.

Way back when I started this blog - back in the Blog-City days - I had just started school and very soon after was kicked out of my house because the level and frequency of fighting between my mother and I got extremely out of hand. I remember looking for apartments and the only ones I thought I would be able to afford were on Neville Island, so I was driving home from there one day when Kat called and said “Live with me!”

I think we looked at one other place in Friendship before we went to see the house on Davison Street and as soon as we saw it, we both knew we wanted to live there. I remember Kat telling me “You’ll always remember this house, it’s your first place away from your parents” and she was right. I remember when we got our keys at the end of September and I took my friends on tours of the vacant house. I remember deciding on who was going to be in which bedroom. I remember the day Corrina tore up the carpet as vividly as I remember the day Kat’s mom sewd up the carpet. I remember all the time we got Pizza Hut, the time Kat got me chicken nuggets from McDonald’s and there ended up being a burger inside the box, my birthday party when Kat skipped school to cook me dinner and Robin and Hobby bought me a box of wine and a crown. I remember falling down the stairs. I remember the day Robin made me cut her hair in the bathroom, the day I realized that the neighbors could see into the second story window, the day someone got shot right down the street. I remember the time we had our party and I smoked weed, splitting a six pack with Kat and watching The Biggest Loser or some terrible documentary on TLC. I remember the fighting and the breaking up of the couples that meant the most to me for those 2 years, and how quickly everyone found their ways back to each other. I remember sitting on the porch drinking beers and looking down the street to see the skyline of the city I love so much. Seeing the Lawrenceville city council lined up on the benches that line Butler Street and spending way, way too much time drinking and “studying” and the TBird. I remember “Hot Bitches Monday” when me, Robin, and Kat would go and make a minimal attempt to look cute. I remember Buckner finding me on one such Monday… I believe it was the same day McDonald’s messed up my order. I remember watching fireworks on the roof at Jake’s house that July 4th, going down to the river and drinking beer on that old couch, waiting for Kat to close the bar early on Sunday so we could all make it to Gooskie’s before it closed, how much time and money we put into that touchscreen machine, IMing each other even though we were only a floor away, and when we both were so exhausted that we wanted to cancel our party before it started. I remember when Kat, Jake, Robin, Hobby, and the Thunderbird were pretty much all I talked about, and I now look back and see how much that time meant to me. How much I was taking it all in, seeing things for the first time, and finally getting something I had been missing.

I remember a lot from Lawrenceville, a lot from Davison Street, and how much things changed when we moved to Banner Way. But mostly, I remember Kat. I think I always knew that she was changing my life, but now that she’s finally moving to California as she’s wanted to for so long, I know how much I’ve grown because of her and the people she introduced me to. And even though we haven’t hung out often since graduation, it was always kind of nice to know that she’d probably be at the Thunderbird if I needed her. And now she’ll be in Cali.

Kat was a perfect foil for me, the only thing we really have ever had in common is liking to drink and nursing school. We had different lives, run with completely different crowds, have completely different tastes in everything from music to men to clothes, but none of that ever mattered and I don’t even think I realized how different we are until I wrote that sentence.

But all the things I wanted to and still want to change about myself, Kat already had. I’m often high strung, I worry about everything, I stress, I read into things, I can’t calm myself down, I dwell, and I don’t typically admit to being hurt or angry. And if I ever freaked out, Kat always knew the right thing to say. She always knew how to calm me down, always got angry when anyone hurt me or pissed me off, always was willing to buy me a beer even if she didn’t have any money, and always made me laugh.

To meet a group of people who are the opposite of everyone you’ve ever known in your whole life - people who aren’t trying to be preppy or cool, people who aren’t trying to impress anyone, people with dreadlocks and shaggy beards who classify themselves as hippies and remind me of what my father mst have been in his 20s - was a culture shock for me, but as soon as I was welcomed into the group, I found them to be people who are passionate about life and living and whatever it is they choose to do with their time, people who are passionate about other people, who want to get to know everything about you and who want to get to know your friends, who take like one day at a time and just go with the flow, people that I quickly realized I could learn a lot from and people who I started to see had huge hearts, brilliant ideas, and a wonderful way of seeing the world.

When we used to be the FBC and we used to shower each other with compliments, the girls would always comment on Kat and how big her heart was. That much, anyone who knows her will attest to. Kat doesn’t have acquaintances, everyone she knows is a friend, she’s one of the most welcoming, genuine people I have ever met. She’s my friend, and the best thing I got from nursing school.

She changed my life in so many ways and I don’t know that I’ve ever told her that enough. To meet someone whom I have little to nothing in common with, to move in with a girl who I had only known for a few months and have it click as well as it did, to see what I should value in people and what kind of people make life better versus more complicated… I learned that from Kat.

Kat, I love you. I am so glad that we met and that we lived together and that we got through all the fighting and stress of Banner and everything else. Hell, just being in nursing school and not killing each other says something. I know you’re scared about leaving, but don’t be. You’ll have friends wherever you go because that’s just who you are, you can’t help it. People find you, and they will continue to do so. You and Jake have more love between you than most couples I know, and I wish you both nothing but the best.

You deserve nothing but good things, mama. I’m proud of you.

Thank you for everything you did for me, I don’t think you know how much it all meant.


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