So I know it’s been awhile. The mood that I’ve been in as of late should have prompted a lot of writing, but I honestly have been trying to keep myself together and work on other things to distract myself from the fact that I feel like my life is the same day over and over again. So, I’ve decided to go back to school - to get my 3rd bachelor’s, yay! - in January so I can try to do something else in the nursing field. I have long term plans, but they involve a master’s in yet another field, so I’m going to have to put that off for awhile. I’m also thinking about getting a second job, possibly doing home care one or two night s a week. But all of that will hopefully come together when I’m on vacation next week and have 11 days off during which I will mostly be trying not to lose my mind.

Right when I think I’m ok, I realize I’m not. I should be over all this O shit by now, but I’m not and I’m trying very hard to do what I should do, move on and be strong, but it’s harder than I ever thought it would be.

That’s all I can write at the moment. But I have a new favorite song that makes me cry but pretty much sums up how I feel… so, here’s some lyrics for you. It’s called ‘Beautiful Mess’ by Jason Mraz on the new cd ‘We Sing, We Dance, We Steal’. Oh, and it’s an awesome CD.

You’ve got the best of both worlds
You’re the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you’re needy,
Humble but you’re greedy
Based on your body language,
your shouted cursive I’ve been reading
Your style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is

Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It’s like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives

And don’t mind my nerve you can call it fiction
‘Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
‘Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they’re quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There’s no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words that paraphrasing this relationship we’re staging

And it’s a beautiful mess, yes it is
It’s like, we are picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And the kind and courteous is a life I’ve heard
But it’s nice to say that we played in the dirt
Cause here, here we are, Here we are

We’re still here

And what a beautiful mess this is
It’s like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

And through timeless words in priceless pictures
We’ll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that’s no concern when we’re wounded together
And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But it’s nice today, oh the wait was so worth it