A Fabulous Mess

Ugh. I hate when I really have nothing to say but all the time in the world to get it said. Normally, it’s the other way around and I think of things to say and then have no time to say them.

So, rather than babble on endlessly, I’m going to write a post that I have been meaning to write since Halloween called “Since when is it OK to be a blatant whore?”

My Halloween costumes tend to be humorous with a twist of irony. Pregnant prom queen. Pregnant Britney Spears. Britsol Palin. Ok, ok, I just enjoy dressing like Pregnant fill-in-the-blank here because I think it’s hilarious to go to a bar or party dressed as someone pregnant because the alcohol just adds to it. The details on these costumes make them brilliant and offensive, from the hickies I drew on my neck (purple eyeliner and pink lip liner for broken capillaries, put a shade of foundation a shade darker than your own skin on top, then seal it with powder – brilliant and realistic – thanks Wet & Wild!) to the subtle Republican accessories I employed this year (a Bible with a picture of Larry the Cable guy marking a passage that condemns homosexuality – thanks, Overheard in Pittsburgh guy!), I strive to make my costumes funny, a bit offensive, and enhanced by the effects of alcohol.

I do not understand when Halloween became an excuse to dress like a Slutty insert-profession-here. Slutty nurse (I tell you from experience, the slutty ones dress just like the rest of us), slutty pirate, slutty barmaid, slutty sailor, slutty cop, etc. I mean, seriously? When did Halloween become an excuse to dress like a whore? People who don’t generally dress like a whore may mildly slut it up, but those girls who already do dress like whores on a daily basis pretty much go out with everything but a nipple and pubic hair hanging out for all the world to see. In October. October in Pittsburgh.

I just don’t get it. But, then again, I’ve never understood sluts… I don’t know what the point is in actually proving you can sleep with most guys you meet when most women know that they can sleep with most guys the meet. They are all horny man-persons. And those who will sleep with married and/or otherwise involved men just to feel good – I’ve actually had someone tell me “I did it for me” – have another problem altogether.

Not that I could pull off being a Slutty Nurse if I tried my hardest to be one, in real life or in a Halloween costume, but I really like being noticed for things other than my tits. I’ve actually stopped wearing anything that shows any cleavage anymore because it’s just one more superficial thing to attract someone. True, that someone is usually a loser in one respect or another, but still. You know what I’m saying.

I guess the Slutty phase is one that some people never go through and most people grow out of because eventually, everyone hits a point where being slutty is just sad and no one will want to do you anymore. I guess I was just always afraid that when that time came, I didn’t want to have already slept with every man in Pittsburgh. Then there’s not really anywhere to go from there, is there?

Trackback URL