I am an odd breed because I like chilly weather and rain. I know, I’m weird. So, it was a wonderful thing to wake up on my birthday to a cold breeze and a mist of rain blowing through the window directly onto my face. I smiled as I turned over in bed and hold onto my Spongebob pillow - the softest pillow I’ve ever come into contact with in my whole life.

I decided to treat myself to a new shirt to wear out last night for my big old birthday celebration. I looked at Target because I was trying to stay on the cheap-o side, but I gave up and headed to Lane Bryant, the old standby.

Imagine my shock and awe when all of the shirts were too big for me.

I was lost. If I can’t shop at Lane Bryant, then I’m not sure where to go. I walked around the corner and saw the Gap. I know the heirarchy of the chain stores - Old Navy is below the Gap, which is below Banana Republic. I thought to myself, well, you fit in Old Navy and your bridesmaid dress is from the Banana… why the hell not try? So, I went into the Gap… and the clothes fit me.

This is a major milestone for a chubby girl. I know it seem dumb, but to be able to fit into clothes in a “normal” store, well, it’s a wonderful, amazing feeling. So, I bought a cute tee shirt and an awesome black sweater.

Then I went home and dyed my hair, chocolate brown again. Covered up all the red. As my hair was developing, I watched the finale of Sex and the City OnDemand. Then, I put on my new clothes and used my new make-up and went out to meet my friends and family.

Nothing too exciting happened, mostly just had a lot of fun and drank a lot. Shane took me to Wendy’s at midnight when the luster of the booze had started to get to me, and I spent the night on Mt Washington in the home of two of my besties.

It was actually a great day overall, but a little too much excitement considering Thursday and Friday were my only two nights off sandwiched between a stretch of 4 night shifts and then 3 night shifts, but I work one day out of 6 as of Tuesday, and I am looking forward to some time on my couch with a blanket and a good book.

28 is sucking the fun out of my already.

It’s been a few days, but things are pretty good at the moment.

I’ve been working a lot - 9 of the past 12 days actually - and am really looking forward to my next paycheck. Most of that will be Fro’s wedding gift, but I’d just like to see that big number deposited into my account.

My birthday was yesterday, which is why I didn’t make it to the Blogfest. My whole family plus most of my friends came out, and I really realized who I have in my life to catch me or pick me up if I need it. Big thanks to Lib, Shane, Mary, Rachel, Rob, Barbie, Mike, Fro, Jerry, Trish, and Nicole - you guys rock my world.

On the weight loss front… My Weight Watchers membership was canceled because when I lost my ATM card and I canceled it, I forgot to chose an alternate payment method, so my automatic debit stopped working and so, no more Weight Watchers. I’ve decided not to renew since I am doing fine on my own. So, my total weight loss, according to my bathroom scale, is … 16 lbs. Go, me! I’m hoping to be at my goal by December.

That’s all for now. Probably another late night work post later.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever blogged about the guy I was seeing before I met O, I seem to recall possibly referring to him as The Magician, but I may be making that up. I actually sort of cheated on O with him since in March O told me that he knew he wanted to be with me the day he met me, but I made out with the Magician a month after meeting O. Details, details.

Anyway, yesterday I was bored and needed to be around people, so I went to Jack’s where I was supposed to meet Lib. I ended up having several Sam Adam’s Cherry Wheats, which hit me pretty hard since I hadn’t really eaten much all day. I was nice and tipsy when Lib got there, and about ten minutes later, the Magician walked in the door. I haven’t seen him in five months, and I just had this feeling that he’d show up last night. I really did.

We caught up on everything that’s been happening with both of us, though I didn’t get into detail about O, I told him that I had been dating someone but that it didn’t work out. Lib made us all move to the other end of the bar where some other friends were because, well, the Magician and I pretty much ignored everyone else and she was bored.

Eventually, he kissed me. And it was weird. Very weird. Because it was familiar, but unfamiliar at the same time. If that makes any sense at all. I initially felt terrible, like I had done something wrong, and it took a lot for me to focus on what was happening instead of what used to be happening.

He walked me to my car and we had a talk about things that had happened, he said that he wasn’t prepared to see me last night. Seriously? You have to prepare to see me? I didn’t want to drive home, I wanted to stay at his place since it was very close by and it would have been nice not to sleep alone, but he kept telling me he wasn’t prepared and that he’s having trouble letting his guard down. So I jumped in the car and left.

I texted him as I watched him walk away and told him I was sorry if he felt I was being pushy, that I enjoyed my evening with him.

The text he sent me back is saved on my phone because it basically sums up everything I wanted him to say to me six months ago. No worries. It’s my fault. I like being with you. I’m just an ass sometimes. You have nothing to be sorry for.

A few more texts were exchanged, basically saying that we shouldn’t wait months to see one another. But time will tell I guess.

When I went to sleep last night, I thought how funny it was that all these months later, he’s finally able to tell me what I needed to hear then.

So, as my life just gets more and more like the plot of some cheesy romantic comedy, I woke up this morning and had an email from O. It said something along the lines of I’m sorry this happened but we have to part ways, you’re a wonderful person and you deserve someone who can give you the things I can’t, you’ll always be very special to me and I will miss you.

Not exactly all the closure I wanted, but it helped. Made me feel a little better because I know that he did and does care, that he will miss me, and this was just what he had to do.

Of course, I emailed him back and it was about twenty times longer than the one he sent me. I basically said everything I’ve been asking in these posts. There was a bit of “Here’s why you’re a tit” and one “I would have kept trying to make this work”. But then there was the real part, the meat of the problem, the very simple fact that I miss my friend that I talked to every day for the past few months. That I’d like to see him again if we’re ever in the same place at the same time.

I’m still waiting on a response. I have a feeling that he’ll be ok with keeping in touch and being friends. Of course I have the fantasy in my head that I’ll lose all the weight and he’ll call me in a few months and ask me to go to dinner, look at me over the table, and know that he does love me. But by then, I’ll probably be talking myself into believing that some other man has real feelings for me.

Everything is cyclical. I’m spinning around and around.

     I have some time to endulge myself in free internet access, so I figured I’d write.

     I cannot tell you how excited I was about the weather yesterday. I know, I know, I’m nuts, but I prefer 60 - 70 degrees and rain. I needed a hoodie last night. I was pumped.

      I am obsessed with the thought of winter. I have decided that this year, my plan is to accessorize. Since all I ever wear is jeans and black shirts (honestly… I think I only own one colored shirt, and it’s dark gray), accessories will make the same shirt look awesomely different in every instance.

     Here’s something to think about… I’m actually curious about what you all think about this. I was at Jack’s one night last week and four Army recruiters approached me and Libby. First of all, they pointed out that that they were the only people that weren’t white in the entire bar and asked me if I noticed them when they came in. I replied, “Yes, but not because you’re black, because you have Army uniforms on.”

     The five of us got into a conversation about Pittsburgh. It seems that they were sent here from Virginia, North Carolina, and Ohio to try to figure out why the numbers of people in enlist in all branches of the military are 1) very low in Pennsylvania and 2) lowest in the Pittsburgh area. So I was curious… what do you all think of that?

     The same night, I met another guy from Ireland. I know, I know, they just flock to me. This one was a prick, though. He asked me if I though David Beckham moving to America would change our opinion of soccer. I said no. Libby said no. The other people we were with said no. Then he went on to ask me where my boyfriend was, and I replied that I was single. Then he said “Well, how can you have an opinion without a man telling you what to think?” OH NO YOU DIDN’T!!

     He asked me something about Libby and I said “Well, I can’t speak for her…” and he replied “Yes, you can, don’t all American woman have the same thought? Hasn’t someone you know with a husband asked him to talk to you so you have an opinion?”

     Seriously, I wanted to punch him.

     So what do you all think? Will David Beckham moving here make anyone care about soccer? And why don’t we in the first place?

     I’ll pretty much do anything when I’m drunk. Most of my friends know this. I’m a Jack’s snob and pretty much throw up in my mouth a little bit when anyone suggests going to another bar. But, buy me enough Jaeger bombs or shots of Firewater and I’m at your mercy, as long as you make sure Im sober to drive when 3 am rolls around and, if I’m not, prepare to wait around for me standing in the middle of the parking lot, texting like a mad woman to find someone to come get me or somewhere to crash.

     Case in point. Sunday I was so poor I literally stole money from my mom’s quarter jar because I needed to get at least one beer at Jack’s since I was off the next morning. Due to my awesome powers at getting free beer, my thirst for the booze was quickly satisfied, thanks to old men, good friends, and bartenders who lend me money without my asking because “you’re such a nice girl and you’re going to be here tomorrow, just pay me back when you can”. God, I love celebrity.

     Last night, after two long days of saving small children’s lives, I was craving a night at my bar where the Miller Lites were flowing for $1. I alloted myself a certain small amount to spend, and paid back half of my unofficial tab. Then somehow, I kept getting free beer. I say “somehow” but what I really mean is, Miller Lite was there giving free Miller Lite to anyone drinking Miller Lite and I shamelessly approached several male friends of mine and said ‘Hey, buy me a beer, they’re only one dollar’.

     I used to be a lot worse. I used to literally con strangers into buying me beer. For example, if I guy would come up and say “Excuse me, can I get to the bar?” I’ll say “Sure!” and scoot over so he can order. Then he’ll say “Can I get two Coor’s Lites, please?” And I’ll say “You mean three?” And he’ll laugh and say “Why, do you want one?” and I’ll say “Well, yeah, since you offered…” And, SCORE, free beer.

     Sometimes, he’ll say “I would, but that’s my girlfriend over there” and I’ll say “Ah, she’s so cute!” Then she’ll come over and I’ll talk to her and she’ll end up hugging me and calling me sweetie as I chug down the beer I just weaseled out of her boyfriend. I have an amazing ability of being the girl that is non threatening. Like, girls who know me have told me that their boyfriends and husbands have told them that the at some point had a crush on me, and they always say “Ah, yay! That’s my Jen! She’s so awesome!” It works with strangers, too, because, let’s face it, who’s going to not like the girl that’s sitting at the bar in a tee shirt and stupid hat telling you that she likes your purse? Really? I am just that genuine.

    I also will do stupid things like take pictures of ugly people. Or, if you have a thing for a guy, send me over and I’ll find out all you want to know about him because I have no problem talking to a man if I’m not talking to him about myself. Really. You want his age? Status? Interests? Shoe size? I’m your girl.

    Last night, my stupid drunken antics got me out of a parking ticket, got my friend some digits, and resulted in solidification of arrangements. I like when I have fun when I drink instead of crying, embarrassing myself, or not being able to see.