I’ve got to go, I’ve got to go… Written on August 2, 2008, by Jen.

All in all, I’m out of my funk. I’ve only had 2 days off since I went back to work from vacation, and I must say, working alot is the key to my keeping my sanity.

I’ve made a pact with a friend from work to travel after my contract’s up. We’re doing the research now, trying to find out who is the best agency and where the best assignments are. right now, we’re looking at San Diego, and it’s starting to feel like come February of 2010, I will be spending at least 3 months living in California. I need to do some research about taking a leave of absence from the hospital instead of quitting because I’ll want to come back and work there when I’m done traveling and I don’t want to lose my seniority or my 401K, but that will all come in time.

I know I say that I’m going to do a lot of things that I never end up doing, but things haven’t been that way lately, for the past 2 months I’ve been making very deliberate decisions about everything from what I spend my money on to what I put in my mouth and slowly but surely, my financial situation is improving and my waist is getting smaller.

I really want to do this. I think I really need to do this. And I hope I really do.

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A brief history of Woy Written on August 2, 2008, by Jen.

I started blogging in 2005 because that was a big year for me. I remember starting to write right around the time I got accepted to nursing school, and shortly after I started classes, I moved out of my mom’s house. 2005 has thus far been the biggest year of my life in that a lot of things changed for the better and it started me on my way to the next phase of my life.

I originally started writing on BlogCity because it was free and there were a lot of ways that I could format it. I used to change my layout on a daily basis, and a part of me does miss being able to do that. Initially, I had these ideas of total global popularity and did everything that Google told me to promote my blog.

That is how I found the Pittsburgh Bloggers and subsequently met Woy.

My acceptance to the Pittsburgh Bloggers website was a happy day for me, and Woy and I developed an email/IM relationship. Shortly after, he showed up at Jack’s one day after my Pharm final because he knew I would be there. It was my first of 3 experiences meeting an internet friend in real life, and the initial weirdness of “Oh my God, that dude is from my internet life” soon went away. He celebrated with me when I found out that I passed, and thus began the real life friendship of Jen and Woy.

Woy is responsible for moving me to my own dot com and still does all the technical stuff for this site, as he does for a few other Pittsburgh Bloggers. He’s basically the driving force behind making Pittsburgh blogging what it is, and it is something kind of special. Even if you don’t know the face behind the blog, there’s a weird bond that bloggers have, which was evident to me when I went to the one Blogfest I attended. Even if I don’t know who is writing what I’m reading, there’s an investment you make in someone’s life when you commit to reading their blog, when you go as far as to link to them and add them to your Google reader. And when you get a lot of these people in one room with the only thing you have in common being you’re all bloggers from Pittsburgh, you find out how much these people really know about you. It’s shocking at first because I personally assume that no one’s reading this anymore.

I’ve hung out with Woy randomly by accident and a few times on purpose, and to this day, he remains the only person to ever interview me about anything. I felt like a celebrity that day. He and his wonderful wife also attended the concert that my school organized for a cancer benefit. And he was the only person I knew would be jealous when I said the words “Ha ha, I met Julie Gong and Buckner and you didn’t!”. He’s basically an all around good dude who has been a part of my life as long as this blog has, and this blog wouldn’t be what it is or will become without help from Woy. I needed a way to chronical the way things were changing, I needed an outlet for all the craziness that was going on in my life. And Woy helped me acheive that.

Woy and Mrs. Woy just welcomed their first baby into the world, and I wanted to say congratulations. At first I was going to text him, but I figured that was a bit too impersonal and that he was a bit too busy. I don’t think we’ve ever spoken on the phone because most of our communication has been electronically. Yes, a blog post may appear to be a bit impersonal, but this blog is an important part of my life and it’s a part that Woy helped me get.

Mike, congratulations to you, your wife, and your new little girl. You’re going to make an amazing father because, quite frankly, you are one of the nicest, most sincere and driven men I’ve ever met in my entire life.

I’m excited and happy for you, my friend.

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Vacation is making me crazy Written on July 22, 2008, by Jen.

Man, I am in quite a funk.

I am assuming that it has to do with the fact that I have been off work for a week since I always tend to get in a funk when I’m off work for a few days in a row. And, hopefully, all will be better Wednesday because I am starting my first shift at the homecare job and hopefully I’ll feel like I’m being productive. Or something.

It seems like I’m going to like this job. I had orientation in the office today and I had to take a mighty long test to assess my skills. This was the first nursing test that I’ve ever taken in my life that seemed easy to me, and I know that I should feel that way since I’ve been doing this for a year and a half, but it was a nice bit of reassurance to see on paper that I know what I’m doing.

It’s going to take about a month for the money side of it to start kicking in since I get orientation pay, which is $8 an hour less than my base rate, plus the direct deposit won’t start for a few weeks and I have to wait for my checks to be mailed from Atlanta. But, all in all, it is giving me hope that a month from now, everything will finally really start turning around.

But that doesn’t help me much now. I haven’t wasted a day of my vacation, I’ve done something productive every day and I didn’t drink as much as I thought I would. But I haven’t had a day to just sit at home and relax, and I haven’t had time to see the few people that I really wanted to spend time with… I haven’t been home to my parents’ house, I didn’t get to go see Deanna and the kids, and I didn’t get to spend a day with Shane, who’s moving to Charlotte in 2 weeks. My other good friend Mary is moving to Maryland next weekend, and I haven’t really spent much time with her.

This is all really getting to me. People moving away. Seeing how many opportunities I could have and realizing that I’ve been an idiot to think that life as I know it could only exist in Pittsburgh. I am half way done with my contract at the hospital, and am prepping myself mentally now to leave here when I am done. Truth is, I have to work a second job to get ahead and doing research on what I could be making doing the same thing in other places is making me really, really anxious to explore what else I could acheive with my life.

Everything I’ve been thinking for the last two weeks is making me rethink my life and my goals and what is realistic for me to achieve and I am really thinking about just throwing myself into work and getting rid of as much debt as I can so it will be easier to leave.

It’s not just work and money, I’m finding that I’m starting to be very judgemental and I’m starting to be bored every time I’m out. I thought it was Jack’s, so I went to a few new places and have been attempting to hang out with a few new people, and it’s pretty much the same no matter where I am or who I’m with.

I know it has something to do with O, and I’ve thought about that a lot. I’ve promised myself that I’m not going to allow myself to wait for him, that I will give people a chance, that I will be open to meeting someone. I do miss him, I won’t deny that, but it’s more… it’s more that he was the only exciting thing that has happened to me in years. My outlook on the world changed in that it seemed much smaller. It wasn’t just him being with me that changed things, it was learning about how someone else lives their life, seeing how many things really can be possible. And not because I was with O. I don’t mean romantically, and I don’t mean in a way that involves anyone but… me. That if I’m not happy, I can do something to change it, and it can be something bigger than losing weight or changing where I socialize or painting my apartment. It can be big, and it can change my life. It was like things finally started getting exciting, and then, when he was gone, everything was… normal again.

And, suddenly, normal isn’t making me happy anymore.

I don’t know if that makes any sense.

Tonight, I am looking forward to starting my new job on Wednesday. I am looking forward to happy hour downtown with the girls from work Wednesday night. I’m excited to spend one last night on the town with Mary before she leaves for Bethesda. I got serious about my diet again and I’m looking forward to buying new jeans this winter, and I can’t wait to refinish my coffee table. I’m trying to focus on the little things because they have been the things that have made me smile these days.

I went to the 18th Street concert for Primanti’s 75th anniversary with my little brother on Saturday, primarily to see the free Clarks show. That night was the first night in awhile that I felt totally and completely happy, and the fact that my baby brother was with me made it all that much better. I can still appreciate the moments and the things that really do make me genuinely happy. It just seems like there’s a lot less of them these days.

God, I need to go back to work.

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Vacation Day 3 Written on July 16, 2008, by Jen.

My vacation has gotten off to a phenominal start.

Monday, day one, I had my interview for my second job and it went well. Very well, actually, because I got the job on a trial basis, meaning that as long as my references all check out and everything, I’ve got the job.

The best part of the interview was the part when they told me that they couldn’t offer me as much as I was making at the hospital, then went on to offer me $2 an hour more base pay and $3 an hour shift differential. Meaning that if I work a night shift, I’ll make $5 more an hour plus I’ll get free parking.

Sweet.

I start Monday at the office for orientation.

Yesterday, my mom, sister-in-law and I painted my apartment. It’s a light green color called Monet Moonrise or something. It was a good day all in all, but I fell asleep at 10 pm and woke up at noon today with sore arms and sides. But my place looks awesome, and it will look better once I get my pictures hung and my new dining room table in tonight.

I don’t have too many plans for the next week or so, but it seems like my schedule is full. Doctor tomorrow, out with some work friends tomorrow night. Friday I’m going out with a guy I used to work with at the old Shop n Save. Saturday there’s a free Clarks show in the Strip that I want to go to, and I also want to get at least 8 hours in at the new job doing orientation at the patient’s house. I’d like to do 2 shifts, but we’ll see I guess.

Things are going pretty well. I just have to keep ahead of myself so that I don’t get sad and lose my mind over then next week or so. And getting a second job and painting my place was a good start, I like I’ve been pretty productive.

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Beautiful Day Written on July 10, 2008, by Jen.

Today was a good day.

I woke up this morning and applied for a home care job on line and got a call within 10 minutes. I have an interview on Monday, so hopefully I’ll be able to start, get my in-office training in, and then orient at least one or two days when I’m on vacation. I am pretty excited.

I do have a lot I need to get together. I read through all the pre-interview paperwork and all the things I need to get together before my interview, well, I barely have any of it. I lost my social security card so I went to apply for a new one today. I haven’t had a physical in about two years so I have to go get a physical (which I scheduled for Thursday), and I have to get a copy of my license from HR.

I was pretty excited with myself that I actually got off my ass and got so much shit done today.

I also figured out how I’m going to budget the little amount of money I have to last through the next 2 weeks and I realized that I can’t spend my normal amount on groceries for this week, so I went to WalMart and played “What can I by with $30?” and I did pretty well. I was shocked that the SmartOnes and Lean Cuisines I usually pay 3/$9 or 2/$7 for only cost less than $2 at Walmart. Seriously.

Hopefully, I’ll keep my motivation going and I’ll start my vacation on Monday by getting a second job.

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